Saving the Celtics, one fake Anfernee Simons trade at a time

The fireworks were not fun this year. The Celtics traded away Jrue Holiday and Kristaps Porzingis due to salary cap limitations, lost Luke Kornet to the San Antonio Spurs for the same reason, and Al Horford is all but officially gone as he attempts to join a more competitive team. Those NBA champions have been replaced by Anfernee Simons, Georges Niang, Josh Minott, and Luka Garza — some intriguing players with a wide range of success and experience in the NBA. However, none of them will be mistaken for Jrue Holiday, Kristaps Porzingis, Al Horford or Luke Kornet.

For now, it appears the free agency fireworks are over for the Boston Celtics. It seems the last big piece of unfinished business for Brad Stevens and the front office is whether Anfernee Simons is part of the plan for the 2025-2026 season.

Last week, ESPN’s Brian Windhorst reported on The Hoop Collective podcast that “the Celtics are actively trying to trade Anfernee Simons.”

It makes sense for the Celtics to move Anfernee Simons for a couple of reasons. The obvious one being the glaring lack of talent at the big man spot. The other: the Celtics are currently $20.26 million over the luxury tax. While Brad Stevens has stressed that getting out of the luxury tax and resetting the repeater penalties is “not the priority. The priority is continuing to make sure we have our future firsts and all these things that are in play for us so that we can use those to build”.

What those comments mean to me is that the Celtics want to get under the luxury tax, but won’t deplete their assets to do it. I have to assume Brad doesn’t want to trade Sam Hauser purely for tax reasons. The preferred path is to trade Simons for less money, then trade Georges Niang into a Traded Player Exception.

Let’s look at Anfernee Simons and his potential value around the league. In this current salary cap environment, many teams are navigating a tricky landscape, either carefully managing their luxury tax, starting their repeater tax clock, avoiding the first or second aprons, or being constrained by those aprons. Small guards, who are excellent offensive players but play no defense that get paid $27 million are not in high demand. D’Angelo Russell signed a contract this offseason that will pay him $6 million this upcoming season. Simons is the better player, but not $20 million better.

But enough blabbering. It’s fake trade time.

Fake Trade #1: The Celtics bring in a Montenegrin big man

Boston Celtics receive Nikola Vucevic.

Chicago Bulls receive Anfernee Simons.

The Celtics get their big man and save $6.2 million in the process.

Who says no?

If the Celtics are trying to save money, they say yes. If the Celtics are trying to win games next season, they say yes. However, Vucevic is not a big man of the future. You could potentially re-sign Vuc to a cheap deal the following season and have him as a nice rotational piece, but that feels short-sighted. While there are obvious deficiencies at the big man spot, it makes more sense in a retooling season to try to develop some younger pieces. Also, Vuc might help the Celtics win a few too many games.

The Bulls just drafted Noa Essengue as their big man of the future, so they would be clearing the way for him to play more minutes. They also have Zach Collins and Jalen Smith as rotational bigs to fill the Vucevic departure. On the other hand, the Bulls have Coby White, who is a cheaper version of Anfernee Simons, as well as a myriad of perimeter players in Kevin Huerter, Ayo Dosunmu, and Isaac Okoro. I think the Bulls say no, but it’s the Bulls, so you never know.

Fake Trade #2: The Celtics acquire a tank commander

Boston Celtics receive Kyle Kuzma + 2026 second-round pick (via Utah).

Milwaukee Bucks receive Anfernee Simons.

The Celtics add needed front-court depth, save $5.3 million, add a pick, and acquire a player that will help them land a top-10 pick in the 2026 draft.

Who says no?

On the surface, adding a 6-foot-10 forward with ball skills makes sense for a Celtics team that projects to struggle on the glass this upcoming season. Taking on an additional year of big money for a player of Kuzma’s (low) caliber is likely a non-starter for Brad Stevens, even if the 2026 second-round pick from Utah projects to be in the low 30s.

The Bucks currently have one perimeter player on their roster who is a plus ball handler: Kevin Porter Jr. The Bucks desperately need the services of Anfernee Simons. If they throw in the remainder of their already depleted draft assets, maybe the Celtics would accept this deal.

Fake Trade #3 – The Celtics acquire a platter of Grizzlies

Boston Celtics receive Brandon Clarke, Vincent Williams Jr., and John Konchar.

Memphis Grizzlies receive Anfernee Simons.

The Celtics acquire smaller, movable salaries, an interesting prospect, and save $6.7 million.

Who says no?

This would be a home run trade for the Boston Celtics. They would acquire smaller salaries that they could then spin off to save more money, and they would bring in a good young player in Vince Williams.

Ja Morant and Ty Jerome are the lone reliable perimeter creators on the Grizzlies. Would the Grizzlies be interested in some Ja Morant insurance? Maybe they use this Simons trade as the catalyst to pull the plug on the Ja Morant era. Unfortunately, this is all wish-casting on the side of the Celtics. If Brad Stevens were willing to include a first-round draft pick to incentivize the Grizzlies to accept this deal, we might have something here.

Fake Trade #5 – The Big Kahuna

Boston Celtics receive Rui Hachimura and John Konchar.

LA Lakers receive Kentavious Caldwell-Pope and Georges Niang.

Memphis Grizzlies receive Anfernee Simons.

Utah Jazz receive Jared Vanderbilt + two second-round picks (swap rights with the LA Clippers and the worst of the Timberwolves, Knicks, Pelicans, Blazers).

The Celtics save $11.4 million and bolster their frontcourt. We might be onto something here.

Who says no?

Another potential home run for the Celtics front office. Saving $11.4 million while breaking Simons’ salary into two smaller contracts, one of which is Rui Hachimura, who fills a position of need, and the other, John Konchar, who is a solid role player you could either keep or flip to save more money.

The Lakers acquire more perimeter defense to try to plug the hole that is Luka Doncic’s defense. And more importantly, the Lakers clear long-term money for their pursuit of the next star that wants to land in their lap for no apparent reason.

The Grizzlies bring in more firepower and ball handling while shedding long-term money.

The Jazz are treated to two second-round picks for taking on Jared Vanderbilt’s contract.

This is the trade. Everybody wins.

Four-team trades are hard to pull off. Trades between two historic rivals are hard to pull off. But we did just see the first seven-team trade in history. Why not dream a little?

Call it in, Brad.