Bannerific SWAGs for the Boston Celtics 2024-25 season

The 2023-24 season exceeded all expectations and delivered a brand new banner that will probably be unveiled on the outset of this coming season. So my annual custom of previewing the 12 months with SWAGs (foolish, wild, astounding, guesses) faces a singular problem. How do I make these SWAGs …effectively, foolish and wild sufficient? Problem accepted.

The Celtics end the common season 81-1

The Celtics will lose a recreation someday in late November and Joe Mazzulla will probably be so annoyingly gleeful in mentioning all of the group’s errors in that recreation that all of them vow to not lose one other recreation simply to close him up.

Jokes on them although as a result of Joe begins holding observe of quarters gained and misplaced. He makes up outrageous contests with prizes tailor-made to every participant. He arranges for Jaylen Brown to have dinner with a former Nobel Peace Prize winner. He builds a miniature sized Busch Stadium in Jayson Tatum’s yard so Deuce can play wiffleball there.

When the group virtually blows a 30-point lead, he has all of them thrown right into a cage with growling wolves… solely to disclose that they’re really simply effectively disguised canine that simply wish to play catch.

For group bonding, Joe groups up with an area Escape Room to recreate robbing Fenway Park on location.

Every button he pushes works like a appeal and other people begin referring to him as Savant Mazzulla.

Co-MVPs for Jayson Tatum and Jaylen Brown

Each shoot 45% from three on excessive quantity. Each put up jaw dropping stats and unselfishly share the ball and the limelight. The ball whips round, folks instinctively make the following proper cross which (wouldn’t you realize it) finally ends up discovering the best folks in the best place which normally means Tatum and Brown.

Their chemistry is off the charts as they play a flawless 2-man recreation, run whole quick breaks with out dribbling, and even begin to end one another’s sandwiches. No person can work out who to provide the MVP to, so they simply make two trophies and hand them to the blokes (who instantly cross forwards and backwards simply out of behavior).

Co-coach of the 12 months awards for Joe Mazzulla and Sam Cassell

I do know what you’re pondering. “I get Joe profitable, however how does lead assistant Sam Cassell issue into this?” Properly, someday round Christmas, Mazzulla goes to make use of his martial arts coaching to cease a gang of thugs from robbing an orphanage. Within the strategy of combating, he’ll injure his legs and his physician will insist on him taking six weeks off.

Cassell will fill in admirably, giving the very best sideline interviews and customarily lighting up the world together with his beaming smile. He’ll go undefeated in his stint, however graciously offers credit score to Joe’s management and fortunately hand the clipboard again to Mazzulla in early February.

Co-Sixth Man awards for Payton Pritchard and Sam Hauser

Each have 50-40-90 seasons (and a excessive 40’s on 3’s) main the way in which on a dominant 2nd unit that may make the play-in recreation in the event that they have been a separate group. “Why simply the play-in” you ask? Properly, they wouldn’t have a number of depth with simply 9 gamers. Although I suppose you might promote some extra Maine Celtics (who’re additionally going to win their league title).

Simply give all of them the awards

You realize what, if this group does find yourself profitable 80+ video games, you may as effectively hand all of them the awards. All Star and All-NBA groups, simply the Celtics roster. All-Protection, the Celtics starters. Rookie of the 12 months, Baylor Scheierman. Most Improved, Jordan Walsh.

MTV Music Awards Music of the 12 months, “Simply Do It” by Jaylen Brown. Albert Schweitzer Prize for Humanitarianism co-awarded to Al Horford and Jrue Vacation. Possibly Boston doesn’t win the Clutch awards as a result of there are too many blowouts. Michael Jordan goes on file as saying, “naw, I couldn’t have beat these guys.”

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It goes with out saying that they’ll elevate one other banner on the finish of all this. They’ll beat robust competitors (absolutely wholesome this time) and depart little question about who the beat group within the land is.

And naturally, a vocal minority within the media will nonetheless discover methods to second guess and try to discredit their accomplishments.

Benefit from the 12 months! Go Celtics!!!