RYAN GARCIA LOVE & HATE! from BIGGEST NAMES IN BOXING & UFC • Doping Saga Continues
Ryan Garcia’s “B” Pattern got here again optimistic for Osterine, a banned steroid. That was no shock, as anybody with a gram of brains of their head knew it was inevitable. The very very first thing out of Cryin’ Ryan’s mouth was, “It’ an inside job!” Hahaha. Shades of “Cease The Metal!” Taking a web page out of Donald Trump’s playbook as the largest liar since Jon Lovitz’s ‘The Pathological Liar’ on Saturday Night time Reside, Group Garcia invokes The Conspiracy Idea protection! It gained’t work when the New York State athletic Fee convenes and smacks him into actuality. However it should work to fireside up Ryan’s uneducated and unsophisticated base of children. They’ll latch onto the nauseating mantra that Ryan is a sufferer.
Possibly subsequent he’ll get an orange-glow suntan and work on a whacky comb-over.
Group Garcia has the cash and flashed a staff of 4 attorneys/comics devoted to upholding his tainted honor. They deployed the Casa Blanca feigned innocence trick: “I’m shocked! Shocked that PEDS had been used right here in that boxing ring!”
Group Garcia took such nice umbrage of the allegations that they instantly put out a panoramic press launch revealing that KingRy himself voluntarily submitted a hair and nail pattern and had it whisked off to the lab of some cat they referred to as the foremost authority on PEDS testing. Hahaha. So silly. They conveniently omitted the methodology of the testing and protocols in place to make sure correct assortment and chain of custody. So retarded. Then all of them pinky-swore that Ryan has not ever and wouldn’t ever take pleasure in such shenanigans—so assist them God! I pulled a rib cartilage laughing on that one. Ryan’s base nodded solemnly, then roared in settlement with the clowns.
The clown present wasn’t completed. They couldn’t assist however pull the outdated. “Ryan’s pattern was tainted with miniscule quantities of Osterine… within the billionth of a gram vary!”. Oh, my. Good Gravy! Actually? Lol. Sadly for Garcia, that measurable stage simply exceeded the utmost allowable ranges that happen naturally in a human being! Son. Yer both pregnant or yer NOT! You, Ryan Garcia examined 100%, for sure, P.R.E.G.N.A.N.T.! Certain, the boxing media will clamor for interviews and his staff and promoter will look solemn and make proclamations and guarantees of righting the wrongs completed him and clearing his good identify. It is going to turn into a cottage trade as a result of Ryan has the cache and clout now. He can DO no mistaken.
The “whataboutism” deflections Trump spews will seep out of Group Garcia like a foul case of The Exorcist gal with meals poisoning. ‘What about Victor Conte?’ What about him? He doesn’t take a look at for VADA. He wasn’t of their lab. “What about VADA?!” What about VADA? They don’t have any canine within the battle and no axe to grind. Desperation will flip to, “Properly, what concerning the turd within the punchbowl on the quinceanera of that lady over in Whittier, California final October?” Lol. The gig is up. You examined soiled Ryan Garcia. You might be soiled, for my part. And it’s not, as you claimed, ‘They’re out to get me as a result of I’m Mexican”. No, it’s as a result of you’re a rat. A rat who, while on PEDS, severely assaulted one other professional boxer, Devin Haney. He most definitely won’t ever be the identical. Hopefully, his father and Group Haney take you to courtroom and sue your panties off; and in addition make you publicly apologize. I can odor that huge Haney lawsuit brewing as a sort this.
